Toileting Independence
Toileting, or toilet learning, is the term we use in Montessori to describe the gradual process of a child learning to use the toilet independently. This language is intentional. Rather than “potty training,” which implies something done to a child, toileting reflects a process we support with the child, guided by their development, readiness, and cues.
In this article, we’ll explore what toileting really involves, why readiness matters, and how families can prepare both the child and the environment for a positive, respectful toileting experience.
What Do We Mean by Toileting?
The term toileting comes from healthcare and describes assisting someone with the elimination process. In Montessori, we adopt this term out of respect for the child and the complexity of what they are learning.We do not train children to use the toilet. Instead, we assist them as they move, gradually, toward independence. This process is guided by careful observation of the child’s physical development, emotional readiness, and interest.
Physical Readiness Begins in the Brain
Successful toileting cannot happen until a child has voluntary control of their sphincter muscles. This control depends on a neurological process called myelination.
What Is Myelination?
Myelin is a fatty, insulating substance that coats nerve fibers (axons) and allows messages in the brain and body to travel quickly and clearly. Without myelin, neurons cannot communicate efficiently. Most of the neurons responsible for movement are myelinated during the first year of life.
Signs of Physical Readiness for Toileting
If a child can walk, their sphincter muscles are neurologically ready for voluntary control. However, bladder and bowel control develop in a sequence:
Nighttime bowel control
Daytime bowel control
Daytime bladder control
Nighttime bladder control
This progression is individual and largely driven by physical development. For example, when a child consistently wakes with a dry diaper, they’ve developed nighttime bladder control. This is not something that can be rushed or taught; it unfolds naturally.
Why the Environment Matters
Toileting success depends not only on physical readiness but also on the physical and psychological environment.
The process is gradual. No child becomes independent with toileting overnight, and there is wide variation in timing based on temperament, development, and experience. Our role as adults is to prepare the environment so the child can succeed.
This includes:
Explaining the process clearly and calmly
Giving the child language for what is happening
Exposing them to toileting routines before expecting participation
Never forcing a child to sit on the toilet
Ensuring the child is physically comfortable and healthy (for example, avoiding starting during constipation)
If a child associates the toilet with discomfort or pressure, the process can become stressful and prolonged.
A Note on Diapers and Sensory Feedback
Historically, children in the U.S. were typically out of diapers by 18 months. In many parts of the world, this is still the norm. Today, toileting often happens closer to age three, largely due to the widespread use of disposable diapers.
Disposable diapers are incredibly effective at wicking moisture away, which means children receive very little sensory feedback when they urinate. Without that feedback, it’s harder for children to tune into their body’s signals.
Cloth diapers or cotton underwear provide clearer sensory information. Wetness feels uncomfortable, and the child begins to make natural connections between bodily cues and elimination. When these cues are absent early on, children often have to relearn them later, which can complicate toileting and lead to frustration for both child and adult.
The Montessori Perspective
Maria Montessori emphasized observation over instruction. By closely observing a child’s physical development, nonverbal cues, and interests, we can better assess readiness and offer appropriate support. Toileting is part of a child’s adaptation to their culture’s self-care rituals. Children learn through observation, imitation, and repetition; not through force.
It’s important to remember:
No one can be forced to eat, sleep, or use the toilet.
Resistance is common in older toddlers because these are areas they can control.
Offering limited choices supports autonomy without overwhelming the child.
When toileting is introduced earlier, through gentle preparation in infancy, it often becomes a natural extension of daily life rather than a power struggle later on. Between 12 and 18 months, many toddlers show strong interest in toileting routines such as watching adults, flushing the toilet, dressing and undressing, and washing hands. These moments are often missed, but they are valuable opportunities for modeling and explanation using clear, precise language.
Preparing the Environment for Success
Diapers and Potty Setup
Ideally, use cloth diapers from the beginning
From 5–12 months, introduce a low stool or bench for participation in dressing
Once crawling, a child can wear cloth underwear and sit on a small potty with feet flat on the floor
(Feet dangling makes sphincter control more difficult)
From 12 months to 3 years:
Continue using a small potty
Introduce the adult toilet with a step stool and toilet insert
Clothing Matters
Independence is harder when clothing is complicated. Between 12–36 months, clothing should support self-care.
Choose:
Elastic-waist pants
Simple shirts
Minimal layers
Avoid:
Snaps and complicated fasteners
Overalls and tricky buckles
Tight leggings
Long dresses
Common Toileting Challenges
Resistance to Sitting on the Toilet
Often seen when toileting starts after 18 months. Maintain a consistent routine, avoid forcing, and support independence with dressing. This phase is temporary.
Withholding Stool
Some children will urinate in the toilet but avoid bowel movements. Knowing the child’s schedule helps.
Nighttime Toileting
Nighttime bladder control comes later. It’s normal for children to wear diapers or pull-ups at night. Ensure easy access to a potty and limit liquids before bed. Calling a diaper “sleeping pants” can help shift language without pressure.
The Adult’s Role: Neutral, Calm, and Supportive
Our attitude shapes the child’s experience. Toileting language should be factual, calm, and non-judgmental. Avoid rewards and punishments. The ability to control one’s body is intrinsically rewarding. Praise, pressure, or coercion can create anxiety and lead to issues like constipation, infections, or fear.
Instead:
Normalize toileting everywhere you go
Use empowering language
Offer help without pressure
Remember, this is a process, not an event. Stay patient, stay consistent, and trust that with the right preparation, toileting will unfold naturally; one step at a time.